Tuesday, September 6, 2011

...and Sour

I got 3, count 'em THREE, messages from a guy on a dating website today.  Here are the contents.

Message 1
Wat u up to u want my number [he included his number]

Message 2 (received less than a minute after message 1)
I wanna meet you is that cool

Message 3 (received less than a minute after message 2)
O I'm real soft inside

Even if the messages didn't read like a brain-dead fuckwad on life support had written them, I wouldn't have been interested in this guy.  Too forward, too creepy, too desperate, too ew.  (Oh, and the soft inside comment, I'm assuming, was in regards to the title of my profile which says I'm looking for a badass with a soft side.)  Plus, he's not someone I'd be interested in anyways.  Nothing in common, and way too hip/hip-gangsta-wanna-be-I-think-I'm-cool-because-I-wear-a-gold-chain-with-a-60-pound-fake-diamond-encrusted-dollar-sign-hanging-off-it.  I refer you to exhibit A, his profile description:

hi my name is [deleted by me]. i am new to this site. i will finish this later. messsage me if you wanna. I am from the cape but living in norton ma right now. I am a good guy so feel free to message me if you are interested. I will mind **** the sh*tout of you and get that **** quick **** so holla at ya boy

And this was not the first time I got this triptych from this guy.  I got the exact same three messages from him two days ago. I had just deleted and ignored them before, but obviously I'm so fucking awesome, he wasn't going to take the hint.  So, I replied with this:

I appreciate your interest, but I'm not interested. And to let you know for the next girl you are interested in, sending 3 messages right after each other, the first one asking if a girl wants your number or giving out your number, isn't really a good first impression. It's a little creepy stalker-ish.
Good luck on your search.

His reply
Ur fuckin ugly anyways

Ha!  Ha ha ha!  Awww, I hurt his wittle feewings.  So, of course, I had to put Mr. Fuck-Nugget in his place and yes, I do get a perverse enjoyment out of putting dumbfucks in their place, lol).

My reply
[Subject of message] Aw, did I hurt your feelings?

Right, that's why you sent me 6 messages in 2 days, and gave me your number twice.  Cuz you think I'm ugly.  Dude, if you can't handle rejection, (and by the way, I was nice about it, no need to be a douchewad), then don't put yourself out there.  I was just telling you I wasn't interested and letting you know that you came on way too strong, so that maybe you could try a different approach with the next girl.  Because obviously THAT approach isn't working for you.  But it seems I was wrong.  It's not your approach.  You're just a little cunt.  Holla at that, bitch.


  1. Ahh, I miss dating. Oh wait, nope. I'll stick with the hubs for now. Thanks for the reminder though! :) Sorry. Seriously, I wish you luck with all those douchewads out there. There has to be a few good ones left, right?

  2. Next time he contacts you, tell my ex-husband I said 'hi'. Fucking ass-tard...

  3. "Holla at that, Bitch." -- Awesome.