Sunday, September 4, 2011

The Friend Zone

So I sucked it up, bit the bullet, took one in the nuts (figuratively, of course), and said (to my cats and the voices in my head), if The Dark One isn't interested in me as more than a friend, fuck him.  Well, sadly, no, not fuck him.  I would very much like to fuck him.  All that long black hair flying around....his, not mine...yummmm...

Er, sorry.

Anywhore, as I was saying, I made the decision that if he isn't interested in more than a friendship, then I was going to clean the litter box and get rid of that shit word yet.  Scoop, scoop, plop plop, flush.  The box has been cleaned and the word has been flushed.

Wait, you have no idea what I'm saying?  I really have been talking to the cats too much.

Let me try again.

I told The Dark One that if we were only going to be friends and there was no chance of us ever becoming more, than there should be no problem with us actually hanging out and spending time together.  His response?  "Yeah, ok."  Such a charmer, that man.

So, there it is.  We've officially moved into the Friend Zone.  You all know the Friend Zone:

"The Friend Zone"  from Raising Hope
If you haven't watched this show, you need to.
I wanna be Grandma when I grow up.

It's the point when you are close enough to talk intimately, hug hello, maybe even cuddle a little on the couch while watching a movie, and freak the fuck out if you think of taking things any further because you don't want to lose the friendship you have.  The Fucking Friend Zone.  I hate that motherfucking place.

So why did I willingly enter into it with The Dark One?  Because unless I let go of yet and just be friends with him, I'm going to hang on way too long, and in all likelihood, end up missing out on someone.  Because outside of TV, chick flicks, and novels with hot pink covers and snappy titles, a guy doesn't wake up one morning and realize that his best girl friend that he's been confiding in, drinking with, and palling around with for the last couple years is actually the woman he's desperately in love with.  And shame on TV, chick flicks, and those obnoxiously covered books for making us think things work that way.

So, yes, I am now in the Friend Zone with The Dark One.  Does this mean I'll stop fantasizing about him when it's late at night and I'm lonely?  No.  Does this mean I'll be able to look at him without a wave of "Oh my Fuck" passing through my loins?  Hell, no.  Does this mean I'd still die for the chance to have all that gorgeous, long, soft hair draped over my naked body?  Fuck, yes.  

But now I can also let go and look for someone who says "Oh my Fuck" when they see me, too.  Because, as one of my loyal bitches recently said, in the fashion of a L'oreal commercial, I AM WORTH IT!


  1. Rockin! Good for you. And thanks for calling me a loyal bitch . . . I usually only get called half of that! :)

  2. lol Misty, being called a bitch is a GOOD thing! Don't believe me? Read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. Totally made me embrace the word. :)

  3. Bitch is the new black, as was said on Saturday Night Live.