Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Izz Jeremy Crazy?

Ahh, the joy of meeting someone new.  A time when you don't know much about them, but still feel a little flash of excitement when you see a new email from them.  A time when there are endless possibilities, and you are thinking that maybe, this time, this will be the last new guy you ever have to meet.

Then he turns out to be bat-fuck-crazy.

Case in point: a guy I "met" online not long ago.  His screen name is izzjeremy.  No, I don't know what it means, and fuck no, I don't want to know what it means.  I can guess, and it makes me gag.

I received a message saying he had indicated interest in me by sending a flirt that read "Hello."   I sent him a message that said "Hello" back.  I know, I'm a conversational genius!  Here's out chat...

izzjeremy: hows my baby doin today...and hows my home state treating her*

Me: OK, um, a little fast, lol.I'm good today, you? Cold and rainy here :P 

izzjeremy: um?,,,a lil fast?...im being sweet and playful, yet what a shocker another woman who thinks every man must have her...dude ur not even that cute, yet thats how u act?...lol get real...now u girls see why men r dicks to u cause when theyre sweet u treat em like a punk...sorry this convo is a lil too fast for me, i dont know u therefor ill have to judge ur worthyness before i talk to u...looks like 2 just played ur game huh bitch...fuck off

Me: Wow, dude, can't take a joke, huh?  Idk what type of girls you've been talking to, but we're not all like that, you know, just like not all guys are dicks.  I didn't judge you or your worthiness.  If I did, I wouldn't have bothered to ask how you were doing today.  You're not going to get any decent and loyal women like that.  Peace out.

And then I hit that nice little doo-dad called the BLOCK button.  As my secret celebrity crush would say, Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner!

*PS, his home state was actually NOT the one I live in, so that made that chicken extra crispy.


  1. It would have helped if "izzjeremy" knew what in the world proper english meant...or for that matter how to not talk in lolspeak. I'm wondering if that's how he talks in real life.

    "Ay gurl, u be on mah mind ALL DAY. get yo fine azz ova hea"

    Yea...that's awesome and intelligent.


  2. Oooh, Henry, how'd you know my knees turn to jello at lolspeak?? ;)

  3. Oh sweet Baby Jesus I think Jeremy may be my ex-husband...

  4. He sounds like a winner....maybe you hit the block button too soon? haha

  5. Jen - Should I send out my bodyguards in case he tracks me down or is he a harmless douche-nugget?

  6. Paula - it was a hard decision to make. I mean, I'm a child of 80's hair metal: being called "Baby" pretty much melts me into a puddle of goo. Add that to a man with a temper and a hair trigger and damn, you've found my stereotypical boyfriend! But alas, it's time to grow up and move on, right? ..... Right?? ;)

  7. Your secret celebrity crush is also mine. And I bet he'd like pudding after his chicken dinner. As for izzJeremy. What a douche-fucker. Seriously. That's what he is.