Saturday, August 13, 2011

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Yes, awesome movie.  No, not what I'm going to talk about.

Read a post today by A Total Waste of Heels (who is heel-arious. Get it?  Heel-arious? No? Whatever, I think I'm funny.) called A few short letters to everyday douches. Because I care...  The letter to the Toddlers & Tiaras Moms is the one that really got me peeing myself.  Because I laughed so hard, people.  Damn, you guys have dirty minds!

Anywhore, it got me thinking about baby names.  As I mentioned the other day, a close friend of mine just gave birth to an adorable little boy.  His name is Colin.  But he's not the only baby one of my friends has squeezed out in the last couple of years.  It seems every couple of months someone else I know is having a baby, and yet, despite the odds, they have all had fairly normal yet mostly uncommon names:

  • Lila Gail
  • Colin Richard
  • Nolan William
  • Emma Catherine
  • Gabriel Michael (who we call Gabe)
  • Gabriel (who we call Gabriel)
  • Bradley Jeremiah
  • Caitlin Isabella
  • Max and Olivia (twins)
  • Charlotte Mae (what an awesome middle name, huh? :) )
  • Gryphon Aiden
Ok, maybe not the last one.  But I LOVE the name Gryphon!!  As you can guess, I'm a fan of more unusual names. Not fucked-up names like Jason Lee's son Pilot Inspektor or Frank Zappa's daughter Diva Thin Muffin, but less common names.

Although it would seem that the common names from when I was a baby, or even the common names from when my parents and grandparents were babies, are starting to disappear.  Here are the top ten boys names for 1925, 1945, 1975, 2005, and 2010:

1925 - Robert, John, William, James, Charles, George, Joseph, Richard, Edward, Donald
1945 - James, Robert, John, William, Richard, David, Charles, Thomas, Michael, Ronald
1975 - Michael, Jason, Christopher, James, David, Robert, John, Brian, Matthew, William
2005 - Jacob, Michael, Joshua, Matthew, Ethan, Andrew, Daniel, Anthony, Christopher, Joseph
2010 - Aiden, Jacob, Jackson, Ethan, Jayden, Noah, Logan, Caden, Lucas, Liam

And for the girls:

1925 - Mary, Dorothy, Betty, Helen, Margaret, Ruth, Virginia, Doris, Mildred, Elizabeth
1945 - Mary, Linda, Barbara, Patricia, Carol, Sandra, Nancy, Sharon, Judith, Susan
1975 - Jennifer, Amy, Heather, Melissa, Angela, Michelle, Kimberly, Lisa, Stephanie, Nicole
2005 - Emily, Emma, Madison, Abigail, Olivia, Isabella, Hannah, Samantha, Ava, Ashley
2010 - Sophia, Isabella, Olivia, Emma, Chloe, Ava, Lily, Madison, Addison, Abigail

And if we're talking about unusual names, let's not forget some of the guys I've known: Helder, Fabrice (pronounces fay-brays), Blaine, and Austin Healy (yes, just like the car).  One of my ex's had two sons, one named Storm and one named Orion (yes, I loved that).

So, where is all this baby name rambling leading?  I have no fucking clue.  It's just something I think is interesting and I felt like talking about.  I can tell you that I already have names picked out for two sons and two daughters, should I ever be lucky enough to have children of my own.  Will I share them with you?  Fuck, no.  Nobody's stealing my baby names.

Ok, fine, I'll share one of each.  My daughter will be Haylah Mae (original, huh?).  Not because I feel this overwhelming desire to have a mini-me running wild on the streets (although that would be awesome), but because it's a family name.  Haylah is from my father's side and Mae is from my mother's side.  And really, it's an awesome name.

My son will be Poseidon Duncan.  Now, before you get all "That's fucked up!" on me, let me explain.  I wouldn't actually refer to him as Poseidon, that'd just be his name on the birth certificate.  I'd call him Sy.   I love that name, but I hate the name Cyrus.  Why Duncan as a middle name, you ask.  That's a bit trickier to explain.  When I first came up with Poseidon, my dad, ever the jokester, thought Duncan would be the perfect middle name so he could call his grandson Po-Dunk.  Charming, huh?  Actually, we all thought it was hilarious, and it became one of those family jokes that never seems as funny when you tell it to someone outside the family.  But after a few years, I got used to the sound of Poseidon Duncan, and now I honestly can't imagine any other middle name sounding right.  Poseidon Timothy after my dad?  No.  Poseidon Walter after my grandfather?  Goddess, no.  So, Poseidon Duncan it is.

Hey, at least it's not Jermajesty!


  1. Shit. So me naming the male protagonist of my latest book (which I started last year) Noah Jackson was... completely unoriginal??? Fuuuuuuuck.
    Oh well. Whatever. I'm not changing it. He's been Noah Jackson for a year, and so Noah Jackson he will be. Thank God Charlotte wasn't up there. Geesh.

  2. Well, considering I'm the one who suggested Noah Jackson, it serves you time think of your own damn character names! ha ha ha ;)