Friday, August 12, 2011

Oh, Holey Socks

I like a smart man, as do most women.  There's something incredibly sexy to me about a man who can carry on an intelligent conversation about history, religion, or social issues while we're having a couple beers and watching a football game.  Not many women want a male Jessica Simpson.  Yes, they can be damn nice to look at, and even nicer to play with, but at some point, when you need a MAN, you'll discover they're too busy to come to your aid because they're pouring all the shampoo out of the "two in one shampoo and conditioner" bottle looking for the conditioner.  Please, give me an intelligent alpha any day!

And yet...I recently discovered that I was in the company of my very own male Jessica Simpson.  I was at The Rock Star's one day this week, in the shower, while he was getting dressed, when out of nowhere he said to me "Hey, you know socks can get holes in them?"

Uh, what?  I thought I must have heard him wrong.  After all this was a grown man, and he sounded genuinely surprised that socks could get holey.  I rinsed the shampoo out of my ears and asked him to repeat himself.

The Rock Star: Socks get holes on them.  Did you know that?
Me: Um, yeah.

I immediately thought he must be fucking with me.  There's no way he was seriously asking me if I was aware of the phenomenom by which socks got worn out.  I mean, yes, he was a little clueless about some things, but this was right on par with Chicken of the Sea!

The Rock Star: I didn't know that.
Me: Are you serious? You're 36 and you just learned that socks get holes in them?
The Rock Star: *sigh* I am NOT 36.  I'm 35.

And all I could think was THAT'S what bothers you about that sentence?  Your age?  Luckily I was too dumbfounded to say anything at all, so I finished my shower, wrapped a towel around myself and went into the bedroom.  The Rock Star was sitting on the bed, fully dressed, including his unholey socks.  When I walked past him to get my clothes, he looked up at me, his cute face twisted in serious thought, and said "I wonder how they get that way?"

I had no words.


  1. Okay. Here's what you tell him: The holes in socks only occur after months of wear, and ONLY if the person who is wearing them suffers from chronic athlete's foot combined with Asian Long-horned Encephalitis. The encephalitis, you might have to explain, causes spinal fluid to leak into the blood stream. This floats around, totally unharmful, UNLESS the person also has Athlete's foot. Then the spinal fluid turns acidic and leeches out he soles of the feet, therefore creating holey socks. There, done.